Ivan Cleary: Father first, coach second

Penrith head coach Ivan Cleary (pictured) surely couldn’t have left the team’s coaching box after their 22-18 loss to Canberra last weekend without a quick glance at his son and injured halfback, Nathan.

After an injury-riddled season to date, the premiership-winning coach will be itching to bring his star back onto the field to reinforce the team ahead of the finals, following just their third back-to-back loss in five years.

More importantly, Ivan’s also a father who must want to see his boy back doing what he loves.

Father and son relationships

Why has this family-first approach to Ivan and Nathan’s relationship as coach and player yielded so much success for Penrith?

If “love is blind” as the saying goes, isn’t sport surely the last place a father-son relationship should dictate proceedings?

I only need to think back to my soccer team from under-10’s to 14.

On one sideline stood most of the dads, including mine, bellowing orders at their sons. Each shouting dad wanted his son to look good. Love, in this instance, really was blind. On the other sideline stood our coach, giving actual team orders.

As annoyed as we were with our fathers’ selfish desires, no one felt the heat more than the coach’s son. He became the best player in our team, born from a genuine desire to prove himself to his coach and to his father. Perhaps the Cleary mentality has been the same at Penrith all these years.

Like my coach all those years ago, Ivan’s left behind the stereotypical fatherly ego and developed Nathan not only as player, but as son. The Panthers can reap the rewards on the field, with two Clive Churchill medals, two Dally M halfback of the year awards and three consecutive premierships to Nathan and the club’s name.

But off the field Ivan has learnt more than he ever could hope in a trophy—he’s learnt to be a dad proud of his boy. What then is to be done when things go south?

The same love and desire for his son’s success nearly drove Ivan to leave the club at the end of 2019, telling The Sydney Morning Herald last year he blamed himself for Nathan’s poor performances.

“I felt very burdened by the father-son thing. Nathan wasn’t playing well, and I felt guilty for that. I felt like a burden on him. Then I was wondering ‘maybe I’m not the right man for this job.’”

Family first

It’s clear that Ivan understands the hierarchy of his vocations—dad first, coach second. He’s willing to let go of his own aspirations and sacrifice for his family.

Perhaps it’s why the Clearys have been so successful at Penrith. Not because they’ve treated their relationship like a business, like everyone expected it ought to have been, but have instead put family ahead of all things.

Of course, if things go sideways accusations of nepotism are never far away. Poor Jakob Arthur – then-coach Brad Arthur’s son who was virtually driven out of Parramatta last year from fan abuse – knows the feeling all too well.

Fans forget that, in most cases, the son must work twice as hard as everyone else to prove their worth to both the world and their dad. So while players often describe other teammates “like family,” perhaps actual family can help a player make the most of himself.

That’s certainly what the Penrith duo can attest to. Nothing can replace a boy playing to make his father proud and a father in admiration of his son. Any success the Panthers may gain from that—and success they’ve certainly already had—is surely just a bonus come October