We didn’t have a significant stake in the lopsided battle that was Sunday’s Super Bowl — our view is that the football season concludes when the Pittsburgh Steelers are out, meaning we haven’t cared much about a Super Bowl in 15 years. We placed a couple of bucks on a parlay that fell apart by halftime, similar to how the Kansas City Chiefs fell apart by halftime. Therefore, any expectation that our financial condition could be slightly better, or that we would at least have recovered the money we invested in chili ingredients and beer, vanished completely.
On the bright side, we had the freedom to enjoy the second half while exploring our theory that Donald Trump and the MAGA movement spelled doom for the Chiefs. Trump had previously declared that he would be the first sitting president to ever go to a Super Bowl. You don’t have to read Tom Clancy’s The Sum of All Fears or see that tedious Ben Affleck movie to grasp why this should have frightened Kansas City supporters.
Indeed, this image captured by Doug Mills in the New York Times — Trump shaking hands with Chiefs defensive tackle Chris Jones on the field prior to the game — ought to have scared anyone with even a slight allegiance to the Chiefs. We would have called off our wager if we had noticed it prior to kickoff.
However, the curse involves more than merely a single handshake. It goes beyond the team’s unwillingness to modify its racist name or its supporters persistently performing the tomahawk chop at home games. However, in karmic terms, those are likely not beneficial.
Firstly, the family of Chiefs’ star quarterback Patrick Mahomes has consistently supported Trump.
Last autumn, the QB’s spouse Brittany faced criticism for liking an Instagram post on Trump’s account that highlighted 20 key points of his platform as the general election campaign intensified. The graphic featured notable Trump supporters advocating for “keeping men out of women’s sports,” securing the border to halt the supposed “invasion” of migrants, and compelling college students who protested against Israel’s actions in Gaza to submit and make their campuses more “patriotic.”
To be a hater as an adult, you must have unresolved deep-seated problems from childhood that you refuse to address. “There’s no reason for your brain to be fully developed while you dislike seeing others succeed.”
Or you must possess a conscience and a shred of humanity that has been disgusted by Trump’s sheer disdain for anyone who doesn’t please the approval triggers in the muddle of soggy cardboard and rat poison that constitutes his mind. However, at least Trump maintains low taxes on Brittany’s spouse’s vast net worth of hundreds of millions.
It’s not solely Mahomes’s spouse. During the game on Sunday night, the quarterback’s mother, brother, and sister took a picture with Trump. The QB’s foolish brother also shared a photo of himself with Trump that was captured at the same moment. In the background, you can observe the field that Patrick spent much of the game getting trampled on by the Philadelphia Eagles’ defense:
Patrick Mahomes had one of the worst performances of his career on Sunday night. We’re not implying it was karma due to his family being a group of MAGA hoseheads, but it was definitely karma for his family being a group of MAGA hoseheads.
The omens and indicators were all around. Travis Kelce, the Chiefs’ star tight end who has previously drawn the ire of MAGA for advocating the COVID vaccine, mentioned earlier this week that it would be an “honor” to play in front of the president. (Which, even if he was simply being generous, there are times when it’s better to remain silent.) Kelce recorded four receptions for 39 yards with a few drops, and was so uninvolved in the game that you might not have noticed he even arrived at the stadium.
Kelce is also recognized for his relationship with Taylor Swift, who backed Kamala Harris last year and has expressed quite clearly over the years that she does not support Trump’s agenda. She even took the step of endorsing Kamala Harris last autumn, which triggered Leni Riefenstahl — pardon us, Megyn Kelly — into a life-affirming breakdown.
of numerous misogynistic and racist supporters of Trump — but we reiterate — who have admonished Swift for maintaining her highly successful career instead of settling down and having many white babies to contribute to the preservation of Western civilization.
Were it the Trump supporters with Nazi tendencies who truly booed Swift’s presence at the game on Sunday? No clue. However, they have likely created lifelong adversaries with the Swifties.
Next came Harrison Butker. Typically, when a kicker is in the news, it’s due to either successfully making or failing to make a crucial field goal. That’s the sole reason anyone should ever hear about a kicker, at any time.
Omens and signals! Omens and indications! Hawley, whose spouse has a thriving career as a lawyer — well, “thriving” in that she benefits from the wingnut gravy train — had not commented on the game as of Monday morning. Harrison Butker, on the other hand, only participated in a few kickoffs.
Furthermore, we haven’t even mentioned Clark Hunt, the billionaire owner of the Chiefs, who has openly backed Butker and last autumn contributed to a campaign opposing Missouri’s Amendment 3, a proposition aimed at establishing abortion rights in the state’s constitution. The initiative was approved, even though Trump won the state with ease. Perdedor.
The fact that the Chiefs were defeated soundly by a team named after America’s national bird only made it more amusing.
Regarding the Eagles, their owner, Jeff Lurie, has been an ally of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, allegedly bad-mouthing Trump to fellow NFL owners during gatherings. The previous occasion the team claimed a Super Bowl title, in 2018, nearly all the players declined to participate in the customary winners’ visit to the White House to see the president. This caused an upset Trump to dramatically cancel the trip that no one had intended to take in the first place.
Will the Eagles visit the White House this time around? If they aim to be champions again next year, we would recommend against it.
Congratulations, Eagles. As a Steelers fan, it hurts to admit, but right now, you are America’s Team.